none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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