I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
