We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
