Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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