Ambien. No doubt about it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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