After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
