Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
