it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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