My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize