I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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