I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
