you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
