Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
