I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
