Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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