Your face is a jimmy john
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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