I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
