North Korea, Best Korea!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
