she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
