I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize