It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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