cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Damn victory sex feels great
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize