there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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