Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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