I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
