3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize