i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
