Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
