we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
