ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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