Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
