those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize