As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
