I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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