capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize