She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just found puke in my bra..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
