the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
