My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
