For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
