he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
