I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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