Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
