Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize