we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize