even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
