She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my sisters under your porch take her home
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
