Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
