Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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