I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize