Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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