left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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