I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
