Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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