So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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