If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
