shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize