His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
