no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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