Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
