What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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