Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize