so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
