He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
