Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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