dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
