well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
