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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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