would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
