I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
