70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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