I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
