Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
