Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize