The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
