Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
