Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We had to coat check the pizza.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
