I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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