I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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