He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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