either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
