hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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