He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
