it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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