Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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