I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
