So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
