If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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