Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
