Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
