I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
