Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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