Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
that may or may not have been my penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
